I'm Leo Widrich, I co-founded @Buffer. Then lived in Buddhist monasteries for 2 years. Ask me anything!

Hi Bigyan, thanks for putting these questions up. Here you go:

Where was the monastery? China? Can you name it?
I spent most of my time at Blue Cliff Monastery (In the tradition of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh): https://www.bluecliffmonastery.org/. It's in upstate New York and very accessible, the tradition has another monastery in California, France and Mississipi.

What made you go?
I had accomplished everything I wanted in life. I had more money than I needed in my lifetime, a company that I was proud of in terms of what our team built and how we built it. And yet, something was missing. I realized the one place I hadn't been to explore was inside the depths of my own self and I was more scared of that than anything. Over time however, that became the most fulfilling place to spend time with, which is what I've been doing since then.

How do you go? Can anyone just go?
Yes, they offer lots of short term retreats for a weekend or even just a day to come and explore and experience that world. It's very accessible.

What do you have to leave behind?
Depends on how long you want to stay. If you want to ordain and become a monk/nun, then you give up everything, including your bank account and all possessions. Outside of that, you can keep or leave behind whatever you like. Obviously, the biggest thing you leave behind spiritually is your old habits and patterns, ideally!

Did you learn some sort of martial arts?
I didn't, that wasn't something I had much interest in.

How have you changed?
I'm able to hang out with myself and enjoy my own company for the first time in my life thanks to this experience I'd say, without needing to distract myself with food, screens, books, podcasts, etc., I've learned to be instead of do (for certain periods that is, then I'll grab my phone again! :D)

As an extension of that, I'd say I'm able to be more present for other people too. I've learned what it means to listen to someone, how to hold space for someone and how to not get mixed up in my own projections so much.

How long do you meditate a day?
About an hour or two usually, in the monastery it was around 5-6 hours. This questions also brings up a part of me that wants to share that the time that we meditate can easily become a distraction. There are some people who meditate very little and make tremendous progress on their inner path and I know some that have spent hours on the cushion with little success. Meditation is extremely broad and can mean so much and I'd say it really depends on who you are and what you're looking for. For most everyone, I believe that affect meditation (loving-kindness meditation or Metta) is the most beneficial and everything else is a distraction at best and traumatizing at worst. More here: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_type_of_meditation_is_best_for_you

Hi Lisy, thanks for stopping by and asking this question. I think it's a very, very important one.

I think you've uncovered one of the most important truths for yourself that I know of with what you're saying here - that logic isn't useful in dealing with our feelings and sensations, in fact, it's quite the opposite in my experience. This can be a big blow at first, when we realize that we can't think, rationalize or argue ourselves out of our situation.

Instead, what I've learned and found is to learn to befriend and love our self-doubt, our fear and our anger and our rage that lies underneath it often. This isn't done through the mind, but by agreeing with your body's sensations and allowing them to unfold in the way that they want. Notice your sense of paralysis, fear and doubt - what does your body want to do? Do your shoulders want to curl inward, and do you want to cover your face and curl up in a ball with a blanket over your head make yourself as small as possible in an environment where you can be safe? If yes, then do that, follow and observe your body and allow it to move and feel what it wants to. Your body is aware, just as your mind or your thoughts seem aware and conscious, so is your belly, your chest, your arms, your legs. When you learn to give them that level of importance and intelligence you can begin to flow with their language (which is not words, but sensations and feelings as you've alerady pointed out!) and give them what they are asking for.

I highly recommend doing this in the presence of another human nervous system that you trust and who has done this type of inner work for themselves before, whether that's a mentor, a therapist, a coach, a friend doesn't matter so much.

In terms of books I'd also recommend checking out these:

In an Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009BVWRLO/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Your Resonant Self by Sarah Peyton:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074WBVG42/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

This talk by Ari Grinberg: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckYCiB3tzR4

Both Somatic Experiencing and the Grinberg method are two ways you can work with what you're describing very specifically Lisy.

answered this question above, let me know if that's not sufficient for you and I can elaborate!

get a coach, asap, it will change everything. Also, don't look for answers in your mind, look for answers in your body.

Hey Harry, I'd say similar things to what I shared with James above: Get a coach and learn to live inside your body instead of inside your mind. I've expanded on ways on how to do that in my answer to Lisy above. Hope that helps!

Hey there Don, great question. I was 20 when I started Buffer, I think Joel was 22 or 23 and Tom I think 23/24. I was in College at the time and then dropped out. Joel was freelancing and stopped that when we hit about $1000 MRR and we brought Tom on after we had secured our first small round of funding and he switched from his previous job to joining Buffer full-time on a salary.

Hey Dave, thanks for stopping by!

Coaching in my experience is deeply personal. I tend to work on the deepest, biggest dreams someone has, alongside their hardest challenges. What this would mean to you I can't tell from here. I also believe that working with a coach is about working with someone that is a true match for you and your background and skillset. It's also not possible to know that without having tried a deep coaching experience with someone to see whether there's a match or not.

To give you some examples of challenges, I support some founders going through a co-founder break-up, selling their company or starting a new startup. I also support senior executives who want to be more successful in their roles and become effective managers and leaders. I also work with a very successful entrepreneur on his biggest challenge, which turns out to be that he wants to have a better relationship with his daughter. I support a successful author writing their next book. I've worked with women overcoming sexual abuse, others that are blocked in their work after severe accidents. I work as deeply with someone as they dare to go, that always means working in the body, as well as in the mind and the belief system level, the language we use and the habits we form. Someone called my style of coaching "ontological coaching", I had to read up what that term means, but it describes it pretty well.

It all really depends on you and how deep you are willing to dig and change yourself and your life, then I support you in making space for that and letting that unfold.

Don't look for problems and challenges outside of yourself, look inward and see what really inspires you and motivates you in terms of things that you'd like to see or work differently in the world. This doesn't mean you're only solving personal challenges, but it means it comes from a deep, inner place of observation as you're walking through life and often it is tied to a kind of experience you've struggled with or overcome or are otherwise tied to in some way. That ensures you'll have the most motivation and excitement, whatever it is that you decide to work on.

It's a combination of my experience as a founder, my time in the monastery and my training in a number of (healing) modalities.

The people I enjoy working with these days are people who don't need a coach, but who want one. To me, coaching is a partnership, where I meet someone eye to eye to uncover some truths that are there but lie in the shadow, but once revealed change someone's life profoundly. In reality, people that resonated with that were founders, CEOs and professionals who are already seeing some or often a lot of success in their lives, yet have this nagging feeling that something is off. That something isn't quite right or quite in balance and that despite their success, they are looking for more. More depth, more love, more growth, more peace.

To your last 2 questions: The trick is you don't. It's not my job to get someone to open up, they need to bring that intention and willingness themselves. It's also not my job to help someone get to a place where they want coaching. I'm seeing myself in a very privileged position where I don't work with people that need help, but that have identified for themselves that they want help. Once someone has arrived at that place, on their own, for themselves, then we talk and see whether we are a match. What I help someone do is go deeper in a process they have already started on their own, and often that means 10x or 100x deeper, since 1 human nervous system can only do so much and 2 together have a much more exponential chance at transformation.

answered this above, great question!

Hi Jeffrey, great question and great to see you here! I think the best, most effective way to develop a meditation practice in my experience is in a group. I'm curious if there's a regular, weekly or bi-weekly meditation group near where you live that you can join, there nearly always is, especially in the Thich Nhat Hanh tradition. Even from the research below, it is unclear how much of the effects, especially around affect meditation has happened from the fact that these studies are always conducted in group settings where the groups meditate together. I'm personally deeply convinced that meditating together is a massive multiplier and meditating alone, for many people, is a massive waste of time.

Having said that, yes, just sit there and notice what is going on. I'm a big fan of Tara Brach's guided meditations too: https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditations/ they often give me a true sense of being in a group since she records them while guiding these meditations with a group present.

Thich Nhat Hanh would say - the best reason to meditate is one reason and one reason only: Because you like it. So notice if you're enjoying sitting there and if you don't, don't keep doing it, this isn't an endurance sport.

Ben, great question, and partially yes, that was a factor for me. I still struggle with that.

I'm copying what I shared above on that question:

Take a vacation once a quarter. This is a very personal one, but I tend to just not take enough breaks to recharge and let my body recover from the efforts of service and focus on myself fully and what I need. It is still a bit of a mystery to me how it is so clear that I need rest after a workout, but often I don't give myself that same luxury at work after a few weeks or months of intense work. That I believe is a key aspect to long-term success.

Hey Oscar, I love your question, it resonates a lot!

Yes, when I was in a place where I wanted to fundamentally change or transform a part of how I was relating to the world, it was difficult to figure out how to do that and not continually use the programming I was currently operating under. With friends, family, colleagues, etc, there's a certain dynamic already in place. I pondered where I would not run into that dynamic and at the same time have understanding from the people around me for what I was trying to do and maybe even guidance (since I could just move to a new city, ta dah!). So a monastery, where I didn't know anybody (or just very briefly one or two folks) I would have both of these elements present.

And what was there that I didn't have inside of me? Nothing! But I didn't have the tools to access what was already inside of me and that is what I got there and through my training. :)

I'm sharing what I also shared above:

My transition to coaching was a combination of 2 things:

Solving my own problem: The one thing I'd have done differently at Buffer was to have gotten a coach, ideally from day 1. I think it'd have been a game changer. So now I have a coach (2 actually!) and I'm so deeply touched by that experience that that is the main service I want to gift others too.

Serving people as powerfully as I know how to: My dream and aspiration from my time at the monastery was to become a monk, but not to ordain. So I decided with a monk friend of mine, that I'd still take a vow of becoming a monk, but one that lives in the world. I call myself a stealth monk. My deepest aspiration is to serve people as powerfully in their own journey to transformation, happiness and living into their truest, most powerful-self. The way I coach I try to support people in that, however that shows up for them in their dreams and lives. I pour all of my experience from starting a successful business, but more importantly, from my time in the monastery and training as a trauma therapist, where I learned how to hold space and how to tell people the truth that I'm seeing that no one else is willing to tell them (especially high-powered CEOs).

Hi Torsten, great questions.

When did company dynamics change? What were factors? Team size? Money?

The dynamics have changed all the time, throughout my time at Buffer. I'm assuming you're asking what where the changes that led to my departure? If I'm assuming correctly my answer to that would be differing visions around what level of growth and accountability we'd like to have at Buffer. I'm a big believer in both and I couldn't find the right alignment with my co-founder.

I am a big fan of distributed teams and remote positions but also know about the challenges. Is it still you favorite setup?

Not for the beginning no. I'd say if I was starting a new company today I'd maybe be remote, but the early team, say 3-5 people would all have to be in the same city and meet up regularly, 2-3 times per week. There's too much going on so early on and even at Buffer, we were all in the same place until we were 7-8 people or so.

How do you tell a leader from a non-leader?
No way to tell. Leaders are created or create themselves, they are not born. So anybody, willing to transform themselves can become one.

How does your 1:1 coaching look like?
See my answer to that above!

Beer or coffee next time I visit Vienna? :)
Sure, hit me up!

Hey Alberto, answered all three of those above, great questions, hope my answers are helpful.

Great question - it was pretty intense. It took me about 6 months I'd say to fully find my flow again in the "real world", I'm starting to feel settled again only about the last few months.

Insights and even experiences in the body, on the meditation cushion are one thing, but living up to them in real-life scenarios is another one. Many patterns I have in the real world I've also just not run into in the monastery, so I'm only now getting to them (around dating, around work for example).

My priorities have shifted tremendously, my big vision is to be of service to others now. To do what I can to support people on their own journey of transformation, inner freedom and space. I'm doing this through my coaching practice and it's the most fulfilling thing I've done in my life.

Last question on here, and quite a good one!

I've answered the first part of the question above here: There were differing visions around what level of growth and accountability we'd like to have at Buffer. I'm a big believer in both and I couldn't find the right alignment with my co-founder on it. In general I think we also uncovered more awareness that we are less alike than we thought in terms of building companies, that was a factor too. I continue to think very highly of Joel and think he's an amazing human. In terms of what Buffer is up to now, I'm not too closely involved or aware of, but obviously for the reasons above, it's not quite the direction I'd take things into.

Yes!

• Happiness: Developing Life's most important Skill (by Matthieu Ricards)
• Peace is Every Step (Thich Nhat Hanh)
• In an Unspoken Voice (Peter Levine)
• Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
• Your Resonant Self (Sarah Peyton)
• Meet me in Hard to Love Places (Eric Bowers)
• Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)
• Old Path, White Cloud (Thich Nhat Hanh)

Hey Jas, thanks for stopping by!

1. Main lessons learned starting & growing buffer? (maybe 3-5, as I know there must be plenty!)

Do things that don't scale. We did so much manual work, from charging people manually by paypal because we hadn't built our payments out yet, writing one more piece of content, reaching out to one more reporter, replying to one more comment. I think this continues to be the foundation for me when I look back.

Learn how to serve people. Serving is so powerful and vastly different from pleasing someone. It means you put all your attention and focus on someone else's problems and challenges and think earnestly about how to make their lives better and enjoy the sense of fulfillment that is the immediate reward when we serve. Understanding service at Buffer has been a huge driver of our customer loyalty and growth.

Take a vacation once a quarter. This is a very personal one, but I tend to just not take enough breaks to recharge and let my body recover from the efforts of service and focus on myself fully and what I need. It is still a bit of a mystery to me how it is so clear that I need rest after a workout, but often I don't give myself that same luxury at work. That I believe is a key aspect to long-term success.

2. What inspired the move to the monasteries, and then the transition to coaching?

I talked about the move to the monastery above. My transition to coaching was a combination of a few things:

• Solving my own problem: The one thing I'd have done differently at Buffer was to have gotten a coach, ideally from day 1. I think it'd have been a game changer. So now I have a coach (2 actually!) and I'm so deeply touched by that experience that that is the main service I want to gift others too.

• Serving people as powerfully as I know how to: My dream and aspiration from my time at the monastery was to become a monk, but not to ordain. So I decided with a monk friend of mine, that I'd still take a vow of becoming a monk, but one that lives in the world. I call myself a stealth monk. My deepest aspiration is to serve people as powerfully in their own journey to transformation, happiness and living into their truest, most powerful-self. The way I coach I try to support people in that, however that shows up for them in their dreams and lives. I pour all of my experience from starting a successful business, but more importantly, from my time in the monastery and training as a trauma therapist, where I learned how to hold space and how to tell people the truth that I'm seeing that no one else is willing to tell them (especially high-powered CEOs).